Drake.

Have you ever felt like you lived in a world without hands? A place that you have no control of what is around you. A place you find yourself worthless. I have hands and feet and I can walk and I should be grateful for that, I can read, see and hear which are things that many people can’t do. I have the ability to write and eat and do many things that others don’t have the chance to. Even though I have all of these opportunities I still feel alone and lost and helpless. I live in a world that no one can even see me in. It’s this big black hole where I hide in, but have nothing to do other than think. I should be happy there are so many people that wish they could be somewhere, were their thoughts are able to form. The problem is, I can’t put them together, and it’s a puddle of words waiting to be made sense of.

Yesterday I was sad. Sad because I felt lonely, felt like there was nothing there for me to do.

Today, today I can’t explain how sad and helpless I feel. My cat and the only thing that makes sense of in my life is sick. The last 2 weeks I’ve noticed that he was crying, but I thought he was just trying to get attention, just like a baby; the sad part is it took me so long to take him to the vet. When I finally did they told me he had this disease that cats get in there gums, that rots their teeth away. A disease that I can’t fix. That I can’t help the pain go away, there’s nothing for me to do other than sit and watch him cry. The only solution is to take his teeth out, when I first heard the doctor say that I felt like there was this huge lump in my throat and that I couldn’t swallow. All I can do is sit next to him, just sit there and watch him cry.

There are so many other things that I have to worry about, but the only thing I can focus on is this.

So once again I ask you, have you ever felt like you lived in a world without hands, because right now that’s how I feel. Right now all I can focus on is this.

Of course I can’t afford this, surgeries for pets are just as expensive as they are for us. The thing with that is people find it unnecessary to spend all this money on their pets. I know that my mom has a lot of expenses and I take a huge amount of money to maintain so asking for this, now, isn’t available. So I lay here next to him crying as he cries, for completely difference reason that in a way mix together into one.

Sometimes I wonder if I should write a book, if I should show someone all of my thoughts. It sounds selfish since we all want to be famous in one way or the other, but for me, it wouldn’t be about the fame or the money, it would be a way to show people that there are people in this world that have the same thoughts they have in their everyday life.

I have many problems; I could make many books by writing everything that has happened since 2009. I think about it all the time, I mean I’m only 20 and I can give advice to people of all ages. I have lived a life of a teenager and a kid as well as an adult. In these 20 years I have felt more than a lot of people have felt in their whole lives. I know there are worst problems then mine, I wasn’t ever beaten or abused, which is good and I am sorry for those of you that have been. I wish there was something I could do, something to help you with the pain, but just like my cats, I can’t make the pain go away, I can’t fix it. There is nothing for me to do other than sit back and cry, cry with you as you suffer.

What I can tell you is, that one day it will get better, one day you will wake up and find away to wake yourself up from this dream of sadness, resent, regret and angriness, and when that day comes, find a way to be happy.