grain of sand

I feel empty inside.

I feel like there is nothing inside me.

The way I look has taken everything out of me.

The way I look has changed everything.

The way I look has changed me.

I wish I could say that I am stronger than that. That I'm not like every other girl in this world that feels like this.

But I'm not. I'm not stronger. It worst though. Its not the same. I've always felt like this but now. Now I hate going out. I hate looking at clothes I hate watching girls walk around. I hate everything right now. I'm not happy with anything. Nothing can change this.

I try. I try and say I'm going to diet. I try and I tell myself that I will exercise and I will lose weight and I will be pretty. But deep down. Deep down I know it will never happen. Deep down I know that I won't be happy. Deep down. Everything is clear. Clear and black.

This feeling won't ever go away.

As time passes I feel like It getting farther and farther away.

Its all over. My friends are gone. Yeah I talk to them and we make plans to see each other. It doesn't happen time has passed and we made new friends and these new friends have taken away the old ones. At least thats how I feel.

Then I look out and I see that it only applies to me. I am the only one with this feeling. The only that feels as if everything was taken away from. There isn't any part of me that is happy with how I am. I can try but nothing changes. im fat. im ugly. i have no friends. im alone all the time. all i do is cry. i hate going to school. i dread it when I have to shower and get ready. it sucks.

its not depression. trust me i know what thats like. this isnt that. this is the new life that was given to me. thanks asshole for changing everything. you did a great fucking job. thanks for breaking down my life and turning it into this. for breaking me. the truth and only reason of why i went to florida. the only reason i didnt go to the other schools i was accepted to. i did it all for you and then what. you turn out to prove everyone right. you aren't a dad. your just a grain of sand that was part of my life. and now. now you dont exist. now i can truly blame everything on you. because thanks to you. im the way I am.