In order to fall in love you need to be vulnerable.

That way you can actually let the person in.

Once you let the person in, they have the control to hurt you.

At some point in life you will hear this from someone—Love is pain.

It is. Sometimes people put up walls to block away everyone so that they cant get hurt.

The strange thing is that as hard as you try to keep people away you can’t. Not forever. Nothing is forever.

Life isn’t so what would make you think that you could hide behind this wall.

Its weird when I was in high school I had this way of thinking and in my mind it worked. Until I finally I graduated and someone found the key to open my heart.

Once you are friends and you hook up with the person you are taking the change of becoming emotionally attached. To prevent this I thought the smart thing to do was have a thin line between friends and acquaintances I hooked up with.

It worked for a while. Actually there was one person that could play with my heart as if he was a clown and he was juggling my heart into pieces.

Peter* had the pleasure of having this ability.

We fought as if the world was about to end but then when he looked at me the fighting didn’t matter. None of my friends understood, but it didn’t matter I was happy. I would say I was head over heals puppy kind of love, in love with him. The thing is I never cried.

In between of this mess with Peter I met –Lucas.

He was a good boy friend. My mom loved him. He was hot and super nice and I was happy I liked him a lot. But I wasn’t in love with him. But Patrick was my friend. I could talk to him about everything at anytime when ever I felt like it. Its weird I still remember the first time he came to my house and the day we broke up.

The day he came to my house I was in pjs and I was always like that. See I believed that if you dress bad, like you don’t care and the person still wants to be seen with you, then they do care about you. That is how I realized that my mom was right when she said that i treated him like shit and this would end bad. Then there was the day we broke up. First time I ever cried over a guy. When I walked into his building he had tears coming down his face. I think it was a mutual thing but I also think it was because I wasn’t good girl friend I wasn’t ready for that. I still wanted to have fun I was 15 soon to be 16.

See the thing is I didn’t believe in the word love.

In Spanish we have te quiero and te amo.

Julian made me realize something. Te quiero is I want you. But then why is it that you tell your friends, family members, parents that. Why wouldn’t you say te amo.

I really don’t know to tell you the truth.

And here is when everything changes.

His name is Steve. I fell in love with him. The kind of love that makes you cry.

The story itself is very funny. I never expected this. I never expected anything from him. But there he was.

It started one night on a social for my sorority.

I met him thought he was cute but it ended there. Until my friend said that I couldn’t like him because he was Jewish and so was she and I wasn’t.

She should have never said that. Now it was as if she was daring me to compete with her.

The thing is I am not a slut. There is a different between having fun with guys, but completely different when you throw yourself on them. Lets forget about her. This isn’t hers this is my story.

We were friends at the beginning and then one day I kissed him. And that changed everything. That kiss changed my life. It showed me that love does exist but also that love comes with a lot of pain.

So is it worth it. Sometimes I think it is. You have all these memories with the person, but then you start crying and you wonder was it worth it.

I still miss him and in a way love him, but not like I did before.