Thanks.

I keep writing and deleting. Not knowing what to say. Or even what to think.

My eyes are filled with tears and I can't find a way to make them stop running down my face.

I'm not sad, I'm just lost. Lost and have no idea where to turn. Or even who to turn to.

Blogger is here. Here to listen. Here to read. Here to not judge and plainly here for me.

Since I graduated high school, I feel like my life has taken twirls around the world and back not knowing where to go.

The only thing in my life that I knew I was good at--Cooking. No matter what it is or where I am food and me have a relationship that cannot be broken.

It took me a long time to realized that I should cook for a living. I have always thought that being on foodnetwork would be my goal in life. Slowly my goals are drifting from what I thought I wanted.

Now.

The one thing I know I don't want to do, is be a slave in a kitchen for the rest of my life.

Which is contradicting since I am going to Culinary School.

The beauty of what Dr. John Levine has taught me is that I can be whoever I want and do whatever I need.

He has slowly shown me that there is more to me than what you see.

Yes I am stubborn. I get irritated easily. I have no patience. I have many flaws. I have always been aware of that. I have always been aware of everything I have hated about myself. Or what I wanted to change. What I wasn't aware of, was the fact that there is more to me than just food and the bossy person I am.

The girl that only wanted plan chivas and trips in high school. that thought about partying more than school. that is only a small part of me.

What I didn't know was that I have a very philosophical way of thinking. That I have many problems with our government. That I don't agree with the amount of money that the us spends on foreign aid. That in my opinion the supreme court has no heart.

With all of this I have come to a few conclusions.

I am not the girl I was in Balboa Academy or the girl in Florida Atlantic University,

I am the girl that will graduate from Le Cordon Bleu in 2012. The girl that wants to live in a small town in Connecticut. Someone that wants to have a small inn in essex, Connecticut. That will be successful.

Who wants to be a freelance writer, not only for food magazines but online and news papers.

So next year when i graduate and I have the big tall hat also known as a chef hat, I will get in my soon to be car and drive with drake to my soon to be home and start the next chapter in my life.

In between now and then. I plan to see my 2 best friends. To see my mom and brother as often as possible. To continue to have my tia jessica and abue in my life. To have drake by my side everyday and night.

And. To be healthy and happy.

Yes there are other things I want.

Today. Today I felt really special.

When Chef Cheffeti was giving out our grades and started talking about how much everyone has improved. He used me as an example. Telling the class--That not only my knife skills have improved but that my plating has too. Then. Then everyone started clapping.

I am finally happy with my life.

Today. Today was a good day.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow we will see.